Dear honorable members of all parties,
Thank goodness no election was called. But, I keep hearing there will be an election in the fall and that some of you intend to bring down the government. Have you all gone quite mad? What is the matter with you all? We are paid around $150,000 a year plus perks and expenses to do it to the people, oops, I mean do the people’s business, and some of you want to give all this up for a fall election?! For what? Just so some party can have a seat or two more or a seat or two less; and who knows, some of you might not even have a seat after the election.
We are all sitting pretty right now and having the summer off. Why would any of you risk losing the nice, cushy, comfortable jobs you have? Some of you are making more money than you ever dreamed of. You never had it so good, as one former politician once told the people. Now for the sake of making silly political points some of you want a fall election! Come on, climb down off your platforms, forget your visions rhetoric, file your plans away, and stop gibbering. It’s too early to go to the people. Some of us are still trying to get our pension time in and you selfish ones with seniority want an election. Where is the political solidarity?
Politics is a game—as you all know, or should know. The different party labels are just choices for the people; it gives them an alternative. We are nearly all the same under our political skins, but the game is the thing. The people get to place an X in the ballot box at election time and this allows them to participate in the game; however, this game is still being played and we do not want it stopped just yet. It would be a political tragedy of mammoth proportions if some of us got voted out of the game. Surely none of you want to be voted off this political island just yet, right?!
Think about it like this: You win some arguments you lose some arguments in the House, but it’s all good fun. We even get to be on television during question period, asking each other silly questions for the benefit of the people who care to watch us. And we can let off steam by banging our desks at each other when some of us make stupid comments. It’s all good political fun. Some of us have even appeared on comedy shows and put on a good performance. Are we all clowns at heart? The show must go on, and we the performers are still on stage. The people are the audience and they pay for our performances, and some of you want to give all this up for a fall election?
Think about it: We all would have to go on the campaign trail promising the people goodies with their own tax money. We would have to have silly debates with each other over party policy differences, when we all know there are very few differences, if any. Only political scrooges would want an election.
A fall election, if it happened, might also bring a vote near Christmas and this would surely destroy our Christmas party on the Hill. There would be no turkeys around, except for you political turkeys who want an election. So do you birds get the message? Please no fall election. All our needs are met right now. If we want to cross the floor we do it. If we want to re-cross the floor we could do it. This house is our political home, and just like any home it has its arguments and differences of opinion. So please don’t go to the people for approval. Some of us don’t want to be evicted just yet.
This letter is respectfully submitted by a worried honorable member, who likes serving the people and needs the job.
Stephen J. Gray
June 21, 2009