Selling The Budget With Synchronized
Thumbs
(Imaginary Satire) By Stephen J. Gray
The Hacks, the Flacks, the
Gofers and the Grovellers were all gathered together preparing and
brainstorming for Budget Day. Ideas were being thrown around as to how to prepare
the grand entrance down the stairs to the entrance of the parliamentary foyer
by the PM and the Finance Minister on Budget Day.
After many exhaustive talks
and presentations they had come up with a plan for a great photo op at the
bottom of the stairs. The plan was this; the Finance Minister and the PM would
come down the stairs in lockstep. They would be as always, dressed impeccably
and their hair styles would look well groomed as usual. A little bit of touch
up of “just for men” for the Finance Minister, the PM’s hair would be perfectly
in place as he had a personal hairdresser so there would be no worries in that
department.
Still, it was felt that the
main prop for the big moment, the planned thumbs up together at the bottom of
the stairs needed some practice
synchronization. So they had some practice runs, but unfortunately there were
some glitches. Sometimes Jimmy’s thumb would come up before Stevie’s and
sometimes Stevie’s thumb would come up before Jimmy’s. How to get them to pop
up uniformly together was proving a problem.
So a crisis meeting was held and the communications director took the
floor and said “Listen guys and gals we are being paid big taxpayer dollars as
strategists, marketers, publicists and BS merchants so let’s get this right. Or
as a former straight-shooting colleague would say let’s ‘double make sure’ all
this is in proper order.”
The director had just finished speaking when a hand went up from amongst
the crowded highly paid help. “Speak up, man” said the stressed out communication
director, “what do you suggest? I am sorry I do not know your name, because
there are so many of us feeding off the peoples’ tax dollars, I cannot keep
track of them all.”
“Don’t worry about my name,” said the voice. “I prefer to remain anonymous
amongst the packed party workers assembled here. Anyway here is my suggestion.
Why don’t we fit Jimmy oops I mean the Finance Minister, and Stevie, oops, I mean
the PM with earpieces before they come down the stairs with their fixed smiles
and Budget Books in hand. When they reach the bottom and stop, we have central
control up here shout into their earpieces Thumbs up Now. Or
Synchronize Now. Whichever is easier for them to understand and commit too.
And just to make ‘double make sure,’ we will have a backup person at the bottom
of the stairs who will signal with Two Thumbs Up or a Big Wink of the Eye and
silently mouth Thumbs up Now in case the earpieces malfunction.
Just one cautionary note, the backup person should have clearance to be at the
bottom of the stairs and perhaps be wearing a blue tie or something so that the
Finance Minister and PM know he is one of us.”
“A great idea” said the communications director. The assembled BS
merchants, all burst into applause, and one guy was heard to say, “why didn’t I
think of that?” Another highly paid strategist was heard to say, “what a bunch
of thumb-suckers we are. But hey, it’s all in a days work for the taxpayers”
Stephen J. Gray
February12,2014.
[A Successful
Thumbs up picture at link below]
Articles of Interest at links below:
http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2010/05/21/the-high-cost-of-making-stephen-harper-look-ordinary/
