Being somewhat unsure of where to visit for my annual vacation, I consulted a friend who told me: “You must visit Nonsenseland. It is a place of tolerance, diversity, and equality, has many strange customs and is a land where new rights are created almost daily.” I had never heard of this place. But I decided to go to broaden my knowledge.
My first day in Nonsenseland I decided to visit its capital city, a lovely place called Awtuhwuh. This city was the seat of the ruling powers in the country. I visited their House of Power which was situated on a hill. On entering the House of Power I was impressed by its feeling of decorum and dignity. In the foyer of the house there was a press conference going on. It appeared that some honorable members of the Upper Chamber had been claiming expenses for residences they did not live in. These people were lifetime appointees and obviously were confused over the words “principal residence.” I also saw the Leader of the House of Power, a man who preached “accountability” but voted against any debate on when human life begins. Who also had criticized “gag laws” and was now attempting to gag his own followers. But hey, this is Nonsenseland where ignorance rules!
My second day in Nonsenseland was spent in a wonderful city called Torruntoe. There was much music in the air and a parade was passing through the streets. I asked a native of Nonsenseland, what is going on? This native appeared to be someone of importance for he/she had lipstick and other makeup on his/her face, was naked except for a leather thong and carried what appeared to be a short leather whip. This native had the words “pride marshall” affixed to his/her hairy chest with a sticker. This person told me this was a very important summer ritual in the city and it was called the Parade of Prideful Ones.
I decided to watch from the sidelines. I saw politicians, police in full uniform and a police chief marching in the parade. There were also other eminent persons marching as well. In the parade there were men dressed as women and women dressed as men and others in various stages of undress of indeterminate gender. Others were totally naked except for footwear. Others were dressed in what appeared to be huge condoms. Some carried signs saying: “Don’t leer, kiss a queer” and some were on bicycles with the slogan, “Dykes on bikes have special likes.” So I asked a native, “is cavorting naked and making lewd gestures not obscene in Nonsenseland?” I received this reply, “Of course not, this is part of Nonsenseland’s culture and heritage and it has official approval and financing.”
On my third day in Nonsenseland, I decided to go back to Awtuhwuh and visit their Court Building, the judicial workplace of the Supremacist judges. I entered the Court Building and was struck with the solemnity of it all. At that moment a lady, obviously a Supremacist judge, passed by. She looked very, very dignified and attractive in her judicial attire. I asked one of the security persons who the lady judge was. I was told with pride that she was Judge Dosy and that she was a Bench-member of the Supremacist Court and was known for her intelligence and landmark decisions, one of which was lowering the age of consent to fourteen years of age for anal sex. I thought to myself: If this is the type of ruling that gets one appointed as a Supremacist judge then they surely are scraping the bottom of the toilet bowl in Nonsenseland. But not wanting to display any negativity on this important landmark decision, I said to the security person, “Oh, what wonderful credentials she has, to be on the bench. Nonsenseland residents must be really proud of her.”
On display in the Supremacist Court building was Nonsenseland’s “Charter of Righteousness,” everybody passing it bowed in respect. Some even stood by it in silent prayer. It would appear this document is the religion of Nonsenseland and that it had been handed down from a Philospher King now deceased. I was told by a native of the land that this Charter had magical powers that only the Supremacist judges could invoke and that much magic had been performed since the Charter’s inception. I asked about some of the magic. The native then said that because of the magical Charter, men could marry men and women could marry women, criminals in jail had the right to vote, a pervert’s work was classed as artistic merit and that anyone arriving on Nonsenseland’s shores was immediately covered by the Charter. “In fact,” said the native solemnly, “The Charter of Righteousness is a ‘living tree.’” The native also told me that the latest landmark decision by one of the respected Supremacist judges inferred that, “truth was no defense” even it was the truth. I thanked the native for this incredible information and concluded I was definitely in a strange land where nonsense is indeed normal. Then I went back to look at this Charter of Righteousness. It certainly did not look like a “living tree” to me. I thought to myself it’s more like a piece of paper that one could use in a toiletry emergency. Still, one must be respectful of another country’s beliefs.
On the fourth day I decided to attend an award ceremony at one of the learned University’s in Nonsenseland. I was told this gentleman receiving the award of an “honorary degree” from this university had performed a service that benefited the human race. I asked what that service was and was told this gentleman had devoted his life to serving “Choice.” I asked what this choice was and was told it was a service of “reproductive rights.” Then I realized that behind the nice sounding camouflaged words used; this gentleman was an abortionist, and he made his living from killing the child in the womb. He had also been awarded Nonsenseland’s highest honor for his work on eliminating human life.
I was thinking Nonsenseland is a really weird country when a bloody butcher is honored and given an award for killing the innocent. Still, they have Human Rights Commissions in Nonsenseland so nonsense must be legitimate. In closing, one must not be too critical of this land, as nonsense, corruption, and depravity are classed as normal here and speaking the truth is, or could be a crime.
I decided to end my tour after the end of the fifth day in Nonsenseland. I had, had
enough of its culture, customs, honors and justice and realized it was aptly named Nonsenseland.
Stephen J. Gray