Is Red Tory Big Brother Watching YOU?
(Satire) By Stephen J. Gray
“The Conservatives have enlisted neighbourhood leaders – sports team coaches, community activists – to report information on voters to the party's data collectors…” 
( Globe and Mail, Sept. 12, 2008.)
The following conversation is imaginary.
A Red Tory party member phones up party HQ.
“Hello Red Tory HQ. How may I help you?”
“Hi, this is Karl reporting in as requested with information on one of my neighbours.”
Red Tory, HQ person: “What did you say your name was?”
“My name is Karl Marks.”
Red Tory, HQ person: “Well aren’t you well named, just kidding of course. What is your party card number? What info do you have for us?”
Karl Marks: “First of all my last name is spelt Marks not Marx. My party card number is Red Tory 666.”
Red Tory HQ person: “Red Tory 666 aren’t you a devil? Ha ha. I’m joking of course. What info do you have for us?”
Karl Marks: “My neighbour is a soft socialist and usually has a socialist election sign on his lawn. There is no sign this time. I have been having conversations with him about our great Red Tory party. He appears conducive to our ideas and I believe I may be able to turn him towards voting for us.”
Red Tory, HQ, person: “Wow! Great stuff. What has he been saying about our party?”
Karl Marks: “He says he liked the way we handled the same-sex marriage issue. He also praised our leader for saying he would never use the not-withstanding clause on that issue of same-sex marriage. He also likes our stand on abortion, and our leader saying that he will never bring in any legislation on it. He also supports the way we trashed the “unborn child” private members bill. He also approves of our stand against free speech and is against backbenchers speaking out. He is in favour of human rights commissions just like us. He is also impressed with the billions of dollars the party has poured into Quebec and our government making them a ‘nation’ within the country. He also likes our leader’s ‘strategic partnership’ with communist China and says, this a sign to him that communists and conservatives can be partners. He also says our party sounds just like a Socialist/Liberal party in some ways, and he is seriously considering voting for us.”
Red Tory, HQ, person: “This is fantastic news. How do you think we might secure his vote?”
Karl Marks: “I told him, all were welcome in our Big Red Tory Tent and that our leader is dedicated to accountability and that political labels really mean nothing anymore. He agreed and said: ‘That’s for sure.’ He thinks one big political party would be best for the country and thinks the way we are performing we could be it. My suggestion is for our great leader to call him personally and invite his input into the next election. That just might be the clincher.
Red Tory, HQ, person: “Thank you Karl, for this report on your neighbour. It is so encouraging to know that a socialist seems to be coming on board. We rely on you and people like you to be the eyes and ears of the party. Keep watching, listening and informing on your neighbors. Bye for now.”
Stephen J. Gray
June 30, 2013,