Friday, April 8, 2011

An Imaginary Political Speech to Friends

Friends it is that time again for me to seek your support. I have five points to put before you today.

[1] Friends, as you already know we have “same-sex marriage” in this country and I have said I will not bring this matter back before the House. I have also stated, I will not use the not-withstanding clause on that issue. We also gave a large grant of money to the parade of pride, where some people have been known to parade naked. But hey, we support diversity and family values. And surely all segments of society deserve our support even in their nakedness.

[2] Friends, let me also state that, we must protect our children from criminals, and surely that is a laudable stance? I know it has been reported that someone with criminal convictions had worked in my office, but hey, one cannot know everything that is going on! Still, we must have strong law and order. As you all know, I support freedom of choice to kill the unborn children therefore I will not permit the abortion issue to be revisited. The status quo remains, and there is no law on abortion in this land. In fact, who needs a law, when we give the highest honor in the country to an abortionist. What does that say about our principals and values? But, surely, everybody is welcome in our big family values marketplace?

[3] Friends, we live in a great democracy, that’s why we have “human rights commissions,” and as you all know we intervened with the human rights commission against free speech. I know there are some people who say I am a hypocrite and that I once called these commissions totalitarian, but hey, it’s different when one is in power. Some opinions must be suppressed if we are to have a strong controlled democracy. Still, I believe in accountability, and who would argue with that?

[4] Friends, I believe in lower taxes, that’s why I gave billions to two Liberal provincial governments to bring in a tax that some people are calling the Hammer the Serfs Tax (HST). But, I still believe in lower taxes, that’s why I am giving a $6 billion dollar tax break to large corporations.

[5] Finally friends, let me say this. We have weathered the great recession. Taxpayers’ money bailed out the system world wide. I ask you, where would we be without the taxpayers? They are the backbone of our society, and that’s why we are in favor of the HST. The taxpaying stiffs, oops I mean you wonderful friendly people will now be taxed on just about everything that moves and does not move. I like to call this sharing the burden and I am sure my corporate friends who received bailouts and are now getting tax breaks agree with me. In closing, I once again ask for your support as we go forward into the future. If we all pull together the promised land awaits us and hopefully as your great dictator, oops, I mean your great leader, I will still be holding the reins of power.

Respectfully submitted and asking for your support.
Your Friend and Leader.

Stephen J. Gray
April 8. 2011.