Communist North Korea Claims Discrimination by CPC
(Satire) By Stephen J. Gray
Dear Conservative Party of Canada (CPC), it has come to our notice that your Minister of Foreign Affairs has been, how do you say, bad mouthing us. He is reported as saying, "North Korea is simply not a credible chair of a disarmament body,…”  We find this statement by your Minister to be very hypocritical. This is the same gentleman and government which supports the illegal bombing of Libya where civilians and little children have been killed. Yet, you people call this a “humanitarian mission.” Your allies even supplied arms to Libya when the dictator was your friend.
Libya of course is a dictatorship, as are we in North Korea yet your foreign minister visits the dictatorship in China and calls them a “friend” and an “ally.”  Are some dictatorships more equal than others? Quite frankly we are feeling slighted and discriminated against. Where is the fairness and equality in your foreign minister’s behaviour? We are treated like pariahs, yet China is hailed as a beacon of light in your unfair governmental decisions. How can this be? We are just as good dictators as China! Look at our record. We have starved and jailed our people, we even have Gulags while China has used tanks against their own people, sold poisoned goods to the West, and committed all kinds of atrocities, like forced abortions  and taking live body parts from prisoners, and torture etc.  Your Conservative Party congratulates them on their 90th anniversary despite its slaughter of millions of its own people. We say shame on you and of course shame on us too. Still, we ask you, who is more ethical, us or them? In fact, we could argue that they have done worse things than we have. We believe your foreign minister and your government should look in the mirror and ask themselves, “Are we hypocrites?” It is all so disheartening to see communist China being praised and congratulated by you conservatives while we are vilified. We believe your minister needs to give his head a big shake and get with some kind of equal opportunity program for dictators. Human rights are human rights, and we believe our rights have been violated and discriminated against. We believe your treatment of us is biased, yet your praise of China could be seen as grovelling and sycophantic. Perhaps we should complain to your Human Rights Commission that we are being discriminated against.
We understand your Human Rights Commissions are very good at arriving at the proper political decisions, so we are weighing them as an option; however we only want to do this as a last resort. Please do not think we are resorting to threats, but we have heard that your minister has been described as a “pit bull” and we do not want to be bitten by him anymore in the world of public discourse. Dog is a delicacy in our country, but we do not think this type of dog is edible. Tee, hee, hee. Sorry, did I make a silly pun or joke? Very sorry, hope no offence taken, please. It really saddens us to write this letter, but in all conscience, how could we let this slight upon our country pass without comment? Your foreign minister should come visit us and he will see that we are just like his friends in China, a dictator who can smile. We will shake his hand and politely inform him of his double standards, we will smile with him just like his friends do in China. Then hopefully we will receive his blessing and the approbation that he gave to China’s dictator. After all, what is good for the goose should surely be good for the gander, as the saying goes. Thank you for your attention to this matter, because one dictator should not be made a favourite over other dictators, we are all equal.
Yours in Comradeship and Concern.
Stephen J. Gray
July 22, 2011.