An Imaginary Letter of Thanks from CPC to CPC
(Satire) By Stephen J. Gray
“Dear Comrades in the Conservative Party of Canada(CPC) I would like to thank you for your best wishes to the Communist Party of China(CPC) on our 90th anniversary. I notice we have the same initials CPC and surely this is a good omen between us. I hope that you also can attain a 90th anniversary of your CPC. You have a great leader in your country just like we have in ours. He does not accept any dissent in the party and neither do we. The people need vigilance and control if there is to be any great leap forward and I am sure they will get it from your and our comrade leader. One must rule the people with strength and vigour. They need a forceful hand and this must always be used with firmness. Your great leader impresses us with his dogmatic statements. I personally liked his stance on your abortion issue, where he stated: ‘This government will not open, will not permit anyone to open the abortion debate.’ He sounds like he is in complete charge of your country and a very strong man, and a strong man does not need to be democratic. He must be like a wise father who knows what is best for his children who are the people of the country. Chairman Mao was our wise and strong father and his legacy is still with us. Now you have a Chairman of your own who will bring accountability to your country.
“I hear that your party is sometimes called the Red Tories and we have been called Red China. So you see there is another nice coincidence. You have been called Red and we have been called Red so our colors could be called compatible. Did I make silly joke? Ha Ha, He, He, no offense comrades. I hear your CPC is a big defender of human rights just like our CPC. We believe free speech is not a right and your government has intervened against free speech so once again our policies are somewhat similar. Your great CPC leader has appointed party members and losers to your politburo, pardon me I believe you call it the Senate. Anyway, not much difference, it is a place for party supporters who are losers but need a place to sleep, same as here. Please, just another joke ha, ha, he, he, no offense please. I see also you handle demonstrators much like us. We used tanks as in Tiananmen Square to control them. You used other methods in the Toronto Square against G20 protestors, perhaps you should try using tanks they work well. Still, the relations between our countries are very good and I am sure we can learn from each other. It is so good to have CPC comrades in this world today where there is so much misery and unhappiness. Your letter gave us so much happiness that we cried tears of joy knowing we were accepted by your CPC. We, who have received so much criticism are now treated with respect and acclaim by your CPC. Chairman Mao must be smiling wherever he is, vindicated at last by the great CPC and its great leader Chairman of the Majority in the land across the sea.”
Yours Very Truly
A Comrade of the CPC to the Comrades of the CPC
Stephen J. Gray
July 7, 2011.
