Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Animal Parliament: An Animal Fairy Tale

It was parliamentary Motion day in the Animal Parliament and all the animals were eager to get started. Especially as they were all being filmed for Animal T.V. (ATV) They all preened and clucked, some barked, others chirped at each other and a pit bull snarled at those who mocked it. Eventually they were all called to animal order by the speaker who was one of the most respected animals: a barnyard parrot.

 “The first animal motion to be voted on in our order paper today is: ‘When does animal life begin, Motion 123’ and should we discuss this important issue?” squawked the Parrot speaker as it shook its plumage and opened its beak in a birdlike smile. “But before we start on this important vote: are their any statements of animal wisdom?”  Immediately, there was a flurry of barking, clacking, whining, screaming, braying and other assorted noise from the various animals that had words of animal wisdom to impart.  “I see,” said the speaker, “we have a number of animals who wish to give us some beastly wisdom; therefore, the most important beasts will be first to speak, starting with the Most Honourable Portly Pig.”  “Respected Speaker,” said Portly Pig, “I believe it is very unfortunate that this motion has even been allowed to be on the order paper. I am also very upset that this motion comes from one of my party members of the Conservative Animal Party (CAP). I will try to get my animal members to vote against it.” With that Portly Pig sat down on his plump posterior on the barn floor, which functioned as the Animal Parliament’s place of respect.

Next animal up was the Honourable Noisy Pit Bull, it stood up on its hind legs and snarled and barked in dog language. “What the heck is going on, I don’t need to know when animal life begins, that’s why we are all stupid animals.” Most of the animals whined, screamed, clacked and clucked appreciation on hearing this wisdom from Noisy Pit Bull and one even attempted to nuzzle the dog. Others attempted some animal applause by banging their tails on the barn floor. Order, order squawked the speaker who was a Parrot of respected lineage and even knew some human words.

Next up was the Most Honourable Socialist Monkey of the Socialist Animal Party (SAP). “Why are we even discussing this animal nonsense chattered the Socialist Monkey? This kind of proposed discussion is an insult to female animals of all kinds and could intimidate them from having free choice in Animal Land. This is a plot of the CAP to undermine Reproductive Animal Rights.”
“Well said,” screeched Glibby the Goose a notable member of the SAP. “Order, order, order,” screeched the Parrot Speaker from its perch on top of the barn door.

Next up was Most Honourable Slippery Snake of the Liberal Animal Party (LAP). A well respected slippery creature which moved easily from one party to another. “This matter has already been decided” said Slippery Snake.  “Reproductivity is a private matter and we must not violate privacy by attaining information that might cause us to think.” And with that the snake slithered back to its favourite hole in the barn.

“It is now time for the vote. ‘On when Animal Life Begins, Motion 123’” said the Parrot Speaker.
The Vote then went ahead and after a short time the Parrot announced the results.

“This Animal Parliament has decided against finding out when animal life begins. We are just ignorant and stupid animals and we do not need to know about our life beginnings. It is better than we remain dense, silly and unaware and go about our daily business in the parliamentary barnyard as ignorant animals. We are only beasts, secure in our stinking existence amongst the manure we produce. Therefore, this Animal Parliament has spoken and its animal brains cannot be filled with information that might make us think and reason and bring in laws. Animal Parliament is now adjourned for today.”

On hearing this animal wisdom from the Parrot speaker, the Animal Parliament erupted in a noisy self congratulation of screaming, barking, hissing, whining, cackling and braying. And the animal members of the CAP, LAP and SAP parties all congratulated each other on being honourable animals of distinction in the Animal Parliament.

Stephen J. Gray
November 1, 2012.