Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Selling The Budget With Synchronized Thumbs

Selling The Budget With Synchronized Thumbs
(Imaginary Satire) By Stephen J. Gray

The Hacks, the Flacks, the Gofers and the Grovellers were all gathered together preparing and brainstorming for Budget Day. Ideas were being thrown around as to how to prepare the grand entrance down the stairs to the entrance of the parliamentary foyer by the PM and the Finance Minister on Budget Day.

After many exhaustive talks and presentations they had come up with a plan for a great photo op at the bottom of the stairs. The plan was this; the Finance Minister and the PM would come down the stairs in lockstep. They would be as always, dressed impeccably and their hair styles would look well groomed as usual. A little bit of touch up of “just for men” for the Finance Minister, the PM’s hair would be perfectly in place as he had a personal hairdresser so there would be no worries in that department.

Still, it was felt that the main prop for the big moment, the planned thumbs up together at the bottom of the stairs needed some practice synchronization. So they had some practice runs, but unfortunately there were some glitches. Sometimes Jimmy’s thumb would come up before Stevie’s and sometimes Stevie’s thumb would come up before Jimmy’s. How to get them to pop up uniformly together was proving a problem.

So a crisis meeting was held and the communications director took the floor and said “Listen guys and gals we are being paid big taxpayer dollars as strategists, marketers, publicists and BS merchants so let’s get this right. Or as a former straight-shooting colleague would say let’s ‘double make sure’ all this is in proper order.”

The director had just finished speaking when a hand went up from amongst the crowded highly paid help. “Speak up, man” said the stressed out communication director, “what do you suggest? I am sorry I do not know your name, because there are so many of us feeding off the peoples’ tax dollars, I cannot keep track of them all.”

“Don’t worry about my name,” said the voice. “I prefer to remain anonymous amongst the packed party workers assembled here. Anyway here is my suggestion. Why don’t we fit Jimmy oops I mean the Finance Minister, and Stevie, oops, I mean the PM with earpieces before they come down the stairs with their fixed smiles and Budget Books in hand. When they reach the bottom and stop, we have central control up here shout into their earpieces Thumbs up Now. Or Synchronize Now. Whichever is easier for them to understand and commit too. And just to make ‘double make sure,’ we will have a backup person at the bottom of the stairs who will signal with Two Thumbs Up or a Big Wink of the Eye and silently mouth Thumbs up Now in case the earpieces malfunction. Just one cautionary note, the backup person should have clearance to be at the bottom of the stairs and perhaps be wearing a blue tie or something so that the Finance Minister and PM know he is one of us.”

“A great idea” said the communications director. The assembled BS merchants, all burst into applause, and one guy was heard to say, “why didn’t I think of that?” Another highly paid strategist was heard to say, “what a bunch of thumb-suckers we are. But hey, it’s all in a days work for the taxpayers”

Stephen J. Gray

[A  Successful Thumbs up picture at link below]

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