The Bootlickers Report
(Satire) By Stephen J. Gray
This report is for those of you who may have missed the latest news on the happenings concerning our Great and Supreme Leader. He had a wonderful visit with the Queen in jolly old England courtesy of the peoples’ tax dollars. There is no truth to the silly rumor that he wants to be addressed as His Highness when he gets back from his journeys. He then proceeded to France to meet with the Socialist President. He sounded off in the media about the Greek elections and the future of the global economy and had a message for European leaders and urged them to act ‘decisively.’ Our supreme leader knows what is best for democracy everywhere and does not hesitate to spread his knowledge.
In other news a motion on abortion was in the news here at home. It is possible our great and supreme leader could be angry over this and may vent his anger when he gets back. I suggest all office chairs be removed from offices. We do not want anybody being injured should some chairs be thrown around, just kidding of course. Still, dissent has mostly been silenced and most of the boys and girls of the party know their place in the scheme of things. Don’t speak until told to do so.
Thank goodness we have Gordy the whip-master to handle some of these miscreants who have the temerity to bring motions before parliament that the Supreme Leader does not like. We also have backup, as the Supreme Leader’s “pit bull” is always available to bark and snarl on cue. He is chewing on a bone at the moment and feeling quite content. Though a bone of contention, (is that a pun or what?) with some democracy proponents is the fact the “pit bull” called communist China a friend an ally. But hey, he is minister of foreign affairs and knows his stuff. Still, I think he missed the supreme leader while he was over in Europe.
Meanwhile, there are some complaints about the Omnibus Bill being rushed through parliament. Some noisy people are questioning its content and want it broken up into separate pieces, so that all these different issues can be debated separately. They call this democracy. Can you believe these people? Don’t they understand democracy is whatever the supreme leader says it is and he surely knows? There are also some complaints about employment insurance changes. Some people don’t want to move to look for a job. Well, isn’t that too bad! Times are changing and we all must change with the times. No dissent will be allowed now that we are running the show. Another complaint from enemies of the party was the thousands of taxpayers dollars spent on limousines in Davos. Hey, when you are in power you have to move in style, and Davos is style, that’s where the supreme leader announced changes to Old Age Security to a meeting of billionaires. Still, some unhappy campers think he should have announced this in Parliament first. But, these are just the usual losers who whine about democracy.
Our great democratic leader learned a lot from his recent trip to China, they have a migrant workforce that follows the work and do as they are told. We are going to have a “strategic partnership” with China. The old ways of doing things are gone. Now capitalism and communism are birds of a feather, as the saying goes. Anyway we are getting two pandas on loan to seal the deal, though some cynical people are saying: “We are in bed with the Reds.” They just don’t understand how partnerships’ and free trade work.
Talking about free trade the Supreme Leader is signing free trade deals at a pace unrivalled anywhere. His pen is on fire, inking all these deals. Still, some of the usual suspects are saying all this should be debated in parliament. Yes, I know he trumpeted accountability. But hey, that was to get the suckers, oops I mean people to vote for him. Still, they don’t get it the supreme leader does not need parliament now that he has a majority. Others are saying he is signing national sovereignty away. Sure, he is. He is on record as admitting to that. When you have power, you can do anything and anything is possible from our Supreme Leader. I’ll close for now as my limousine is waiting.
Stephen J. Gray
June 8, 2012.