Monday, March 9, 2009

The Godfather and Big Tony Discuss the Financial Bailouts

The Godfather and Big Tony are relaxing by the pool in the glorious sunshine of their offshore tax haven along with some other big shots of world finance.

The Godfather: “Tony, I have been thinking we should get you a financial adviser for your money. What do you think?”

Big Tony: “Are you kidding me boss? I would not trust these financial sharks with my spit.”

The Godfather: “Tony, I wish you wouldn’t speak about the respectable business people in the financial system like that. These are tried and true professionals. They have been having tough times lately. Some of them even advise governments.”

Big Tony: “Talking about governments boss, I see the gang of 20 are going to have a conference on the global financial system.”

The Godfather: “Tony, show some respect, don’t call these leaders, the Gang of 20, their proper name is the G20, and they are going to fix the financial system.”

Big Tony: “If you ask me boss, the fix was in some time ago.”

The Godfather: “What are you talking about Tony, nobody fixes the free market system. It’s all legitimate!”

Big Tony: “Boss, I have been following all these bailouts with taxpayers dollars. It’s big, big money. I have come to the conclusion that we are seeing the biggest legal heist in the history of the world.”

The Godfather: “Tony, I wish you wouldn’t use the word heist, it sounds criminal. A more appropriate term is money transfer, and I am sure a legal contract was signed.”

Big Tony: “Well boss, I know, if I had lost money because of these guys, they would be getting a contract from me, maybe even whacked.”

The Godfather. “Gee Tony, you still don’t realize we are in an honest business now. You can’t go around whacking respectable financiers who run the free markets.”

Big Tony: “I only know one thing boss, this bailout thing stinks. It reminds me of when we were running our thing, selling fraudulent securities and extorting money. We got jailed. Now as I understand it. Money is extorted from taxpayers to give to those who were selling toxic paper. And they even give bonuses to these financial shysters with taxpayers money. And you and me are taxpayers now!”

The Godfather: “Tony that is the beauty of the free market system. When it fails, taxpayer money is available. Without taxpayers money we would have socialism and the market would go all to hell.”

Big Tony: “It seems to me boss that a lot of working people are going through hell right now. Their pension finds are down. Their investments are in the dumpster And their bank accounts could be in danger. It beats me why they don’t riot in the streets.”

The Godfather: “Tony that is why the bailout was needed. The financial experts told governments if we don’t get bailed out, peoples pension funds would be lost and peoples savings would go down the drain.”

Big Tony: “You know boss this sounds like blackmail to me, almost like holding a gun to the head of the taxpayers.”

The Godfather. “Tony, for goodness sake. Don’t use words like blackmail and gun to the head, this is an honest explanation about money by those who know best. These financial people work hard for their money. They operate from computer terminals and cell phones selling and buying paper around the world. Without their expertise nothing would get done.”

Big Tony: “Well if you ask me boss, I feel sorry for the working people out there, because they are the ones who have been done. And well done at that.”

Stephen J. Gray
October 31, 2008.